WELCOME TO THE BOTTOM OF THE WELL VARIETY HOUR. STARRING YOU, WITH GUEST APPEARANCES BY YOU, YOU, AND YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT WE DON'T GET? EVERYTHING. JUST LOOK AROUND. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. IT'S NOT FOR US. WE'RE MEANT TO RIP OUT THE THROAT OF THE WIND AND EAT IT WITH OUR STEAK AND EGGS. YOUR HANDS HAVE KILLED AND HAVE LEARNED ONLY KILLING, SO WHY ARE THEY TELLING YOU TO HUG AND CARESS? BUY OUR SOAPS THAT STENCH WITH DEATH AND ROT, AND LET THE DISGUST FESTER IN YOUR SOUL. BUZZING IN YOUR LUNGS AND HANDS. YOU NEED THIS. YOU NEED THIS.
EVERY MONDAY, AT 5PM, I FILL MY SPARE OFFICE ROOM WITH MIND-CURLING MIASMA, TO MY 6 FIGURE AUDIENCE AND MY 6 FIGURE YIELD OF COMPANY SCRIP. AT 6 PM, WHEN THERE IS ONLY SILENCE BETWEEN THIS AND MY FOURTH WORKOUT, MY LUNGS CRY IN AGONY. THEY CRY FOR A LIFE THAT THEY THINK IS DENIED, ONE OF "LOVE" AND "GENEROSITY". I RETCH FOR 15 MINUTES STRAIGHT TO QUIET IT DOWN TO A WHIMPER. THE WHIMPER STAINS AND CORRODES MY INNARDS, BUT LIFE IS ABOUT THIS. THIS SUFFERING. I WAS DESIGNED TO SUFFER AND SUFFER AND SUFFER. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY MY MASTERCLASS?